Sign of The Times

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In a New Hampshire jewelry store: Ears pierced while you wait. In a New York restaurant: Customers who find our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager. In a Los Angeles dance hall: Good clean dancing every night but Sunday. On a movie theater: Children's matinee today. Adults not admitted unless with child. In a Florida maternity ward: No children allowed. In the offices of a loan company: Ask about our plans for owning your home. In a toy department: Five Santa Clauses, no waiting. On a Maine shop: Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship. On military bases: Restricted to unauthorized personnel. On a display of "You're my one and only" valentine cards: Now available in multi-packs. In an appliance store window: Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machines do the dirty work. In a funeral parlor: Ask about our layaway plan. In a clothing store: Bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks. In a men's clothing store: 15 men's wool suits -- 0.00 they won't last an hour! On an Indiana shopping mall marquee: Archery tournament. Ears pierced. In downtown Boston: Callahan Tunnel/No End. In the window of a general store: Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come right here? In a Maine restaurant: Open 7 days a week and weekends. In a New Jersey restaurant: Open 11AM to 11PM Midnight. On a radiator repair garage: Best place to take a leak. On a movie marquee: Now playing ADAM AND EVE with a cast of thousands! In the vestry of a New England church: Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished. In a Pennsylvania cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves. On a roller coaster: Watch your head. On the grounds of a private school: No trespassing without permission. In a library: Blotter paper will no longer be available until the public stops taking it away. On a Tennessee highway: Take notice, when this sign is under water, this road is impassable. In front of a New Hampshire car wash: If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car. At a Santa Fe gas station: We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container. On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: 38 years on the same spot.

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